Alcohol Free – into Week 6

It is possible to party without drinking, even if it`s your birthday or your leaving party, even if you`re hurting in many, many ways, and even if others drink around you. The thing however was that noone mentioned it. Noone asked, noone offered, noone pestered – nobody really cared about what I was drinking and this was what helped me, and I think it would help other people if others would just let them be.

And once again, I laughed and chatted all the same. I definitely get less emotional (which was a desired outcome!!) but just as happy and animated (which may have been a deal breaker in that I would need to make choices between parties and sobriety). Not missing a thing, and could eat seafood, because I spent just £1.00 on each drink.

Finances are a biggie, if you think about it. I remember one occasion last year when I was deeply shocked on checking my purse the next morning. I bought loads of drinks for others, who would usually buy me one back, but the group rearranged itself, and that never happened, so I bought a bottle of which I had half a glass and then had to stop. I could have a cheeky weekend away every year if it wasn`t for those nights. Abroad.

Although I seem to have gotten over the “habit” bit, I still crave a drink at times – usually when I want to relax, which is good to recognize, but also when I was angry, and another once for no emotional reason at all. My husband had a glass of red wine, and I could smell it, and all over sudden, I so badly wanted one as well and experience that hazy, comfortable feeling that comes when the glass is just over half finished.

So why, if I don`t feel it`s a habit any more, do I not just have the drink if I want it? Probably, for the same reason I never had another cigarette again. I am doing so well without and am scared that that one glass would lead down a slippery slope… Like when I lost weight, I suppose. I`m an all or nothing girl.

B mentioned Port, and I felt a slight pinch. I remember us sitting round her kitchen table, us and two more, drinking. Two had beer, but we don`t like beer, so we had Port. The whole bottle. We were all drunk in the end, but the evening was perfect, and we could all stay over and lie in. I was grieving when she said it, but only briefly, for I hadn`t banned alcohol forever but am merely taking a break.

BTW, I have no idea how long would be best, that`s why I haven`t set a time. Until I have another drink, I suppose.


2 thoughts on “Alcohol Free – into Week 6

    • culbia says:

      I never appreciated the money bit until I started to think about it, but it really is. Drinking is part of my budget, and I always make it affordeable, but a few months ago someone said a night out always sets her back £150.oo. That made me not just think but also ask, and apart from her looks, a huge amount was also budgeted for drinking (and she likes fine things) and a taxi home. I tend to forget the taxi, because I can get a night bus if I can`t drive.

      Liked by 1 person

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