Friday 25 December
Merry Christmas! I usually put a post on facebook, and I briefly contemplated doing so again today. I then consider group messaging, but this seems even cringier, and separate messages would be too much effort for something I don’t care much about anyway.
And that is it. I would have posted Merry Christmas because everyone does; it’s what you do. Being away from Facebook gives me the freedom to ignore it without seeming rude. I don’t have to return anyone’s well wishes, as I don’t see them, I don’t have to admire anyone’s decoration, turkey, outfit or gifts, I just don’t have to acknowledge it at all. Yes, I really am the Christmas bore that I sound like, but on facebook, that’s just not acceptable.
Some people who know me less and wouldn`t know about me disliking this holiday however take the time to text or whatsapp me.
Thursday 24 December
Our cat sitter is posting pictures of our cats, my husband has shown me. A joint acquaintance has liked and commented on them, and so learns that I am in Malta, and for how long. I haven’t seen this women for a few years now, but my relationship with her was turbulent. I’m sure I`m mentioned now and then, but seeing it is a different matter. I don’t even know why it annoys me, I just know it does.
Wednesday 23 December
I said happy birthday to someone by text rather than writing on her wall, and rather than just liking the post, she took the time to write me a lovely message back.
Others are whatsapping me, and I WhatsApp a few others. Priorly, facebook determined who I spoke to the most. Now, I’m starting to feel for myself who I want to reach out to, and who is reaching out to me. A bit like work, really. Like, when you leave. All over sudden, those who don’t have facebook are no longer those I speak to least. Even though some of them are among the most important ones.
Tuesday 22 December
Lazy evening in the hotel, and Facebook is just one less thing to entertain myself with. Don’t feel the need to share, and neither do I want to look what everyone else is up to.
Monday 21 December
I recorded another video today, one with me in it, and put it on youtube. It was a promise to a fellow blogger, and I resisted the urge to put it on facebook, too.
Sunday 20 December
Today, I could have been killed by my continuing compulsion to photograph. We were dining out. I had already taken photos of my husband with and without his glass of wine, and, of course, the food (why, I wasn’t quite sure, as certainly not for Facebook). When the rain came on, and the stairs outside turned into a rather fast flowing river, I got out of my seat, smartphone at the ready. As if this was their permission, too, other guests followed suit. Suddenly, a stranger pulled me back, and said something about my hair, and I saw how close I had gotten to a large set of real candles.
And then, I cheated big style. I put the video on youtube, and my husband put it on facebook. And tagged me in.
Saturday 19 December
I start missing people. It irritates me that they haven`t replied to my emails, and I`m wondering whether I`ve upset them. Typically, I`d see them on facebook, we like one another`s pictures, and we know we`re alright, without having to wait until you see each other again, and without having to mention “it” again.
Friday 18 December
Last night, a thought occurred that I may cope better on facebook if I didn`t have quite so large a friends list. I could immediately think of 5 people who really should not be there any more. I`ve never seen them for a long time, never even comment on each other`s stuff on facebook, we just have nothing else in common since we moved house or jobs. In addition, both know people who I don`t want to know my business, which makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes. Now, the urge to review this list was so strong that I had to do it right away, so I succumbed and went on Facebook, on Day 5. I don`t like the words “friends” list, and I certainly don`t like the word “unfriend” for a deletion. It makes it kind of personal. But of course, they don`t want you to delete contacts, they want us all to be connected and suggested to each other.
While I was there, I also had a look at the answers I received for my farewell message (but didn`t reply to them, as that would have been admitting to my presence. I felt like “lurking” on my own page.). But I could have done that all along, through my husband`s account, and I was amazed at myself that I really didn`t feel the need. Most people were understanding of my reasons, many said “please keep in touch in other ways”, and noone said you`re taking this all too serious, etc.
Other than that, I didn`t look at anything. Even though there were parties, two. I was invited to both, but even though it was my own choice not to go, I would have found it weirdly painful to see the pictures. But I was also wondering whether I`d succumb and look at them regardless. I know people who do that, and I can tell you a specific example where I did so myself – looking up stuff which I knew in advance was gonna hurt.
I was bored though, so I occupied myself with all other sort of nonsense. Like googling myself under all names and nicknames. Not good. This needs sorted badly.