For a while, I was wondering whether all I really needed was a break. Two weeks` leave, a 6-month Sabbatical or, after a particularly stressful day, just going off sick. I`d have as much time looking for another job, but I wouldn`t need to give up the security of the one I`ve got. But the thought of having to return filled me with dread. I wanted to get properly away, and the more I worked through all my questions and queries, the more certain I was of this matter.
I never felt I really had the time to explore other options though while still working; only letting go of my job altogether would make me actually do something about my desire for change – not least because I then have to. While still in my comfort zone, it`s just too easy not to. The more I thought about it, the more I came to see VERA (Voluntary Early Release Agreement) as a gift, a gift of time out and starting afresh without having to worry about money.
When the compensation was increased, there was no more question about what I would do. In fact, I was scared of not receiving an offer and having this door closed. Which made me think about money. Of course, I could still resign, I just wouldn`t get a package. So is it all about money, then? After some soul searching, I concluded that it is for me, and that`s fine. I`ve always been an extremely security conscious person.
Deep inside, I really want a break before getting myself another job. I have so many plans about what I would do with a break. I also thought about the importance of work in general. Where would I stand in society if I didn`t have a job? But many of my friends have been unemployed at some point, neither for very long, and neither was thought less of.
There was a scare earlier this week that I wouldn`t get redundancy, and this very fact told it all – the fact I was scared of not getting the offer. Once I had worked through all the the issues, I got quite excited about leaving. We also had more information about what the future (at work) will hold, and I was glad that I wouldn`t be part of it. Regardless of whether or not I`d get a package, I need a change, and the time is now. I may have needed pushed and enticed, but once I made up my min, not only did I feel free to go, I`m also feeling an increasing urge to.