That`s it! I`m on a diet (pardon: healthy eating regime)

 I`ve subscribed to a calorie counting app today, and I bought a calorie counting book. Too much sugar recently, which makes me want to eat more garbage all the time, so I gained weight. Friend rolled her eyes when I said how much. I know, but there`s a reason why I`m the size I am: because (after 34 years of yoyo-dieting) I now take care of myself and nip it in the bud.

I wonder whether this was a subconscious thing – trying out what it feels like to relax a bit. I`ve been thinking about this recently – about adopting a more mainstream eating regime and obtaining a more mainstream body. Be sexy in my enjoyment of food and for being a bit more soft and rounded. (Yes, I know where this comes from. From the people around me who make this lifestyle and body type seem more attractive than my own).

I don`t like it. I don`t like my own ravenous appetite, my feeling all weired but too tired to exercise at the same time, I dislike the almost daily remorse and the wondering where this will lead me, and I certainly don`t like the thought of my thighs getting bigger. It`s a feeling all too familiar which, since 2009, I`ve only been experiencing occasionally, however, every time, there is this fear that I will not be able to regain control this time and eat myself back into binge eating and overweight, just as I did so many times before.

Noooo way! And I like my healthy things, I really do, and I`m satisfied with small-ish portions and plain things – normally. It`s just eating garbage that makes me want to eat garbage, and increasing amount of it, so I know what I need to do: to once again take out – the garbage…

Got some spare time coming up (working half days to help the cats settle in), so I`ll use this for two weeks of intense healthy eating (fresh, raw, whole grain, plain, sugar- and additive free as well as no soda and alcohol) and getting myself back into formal exercising…


4 thoughts on “That`s it! I`m on a diet (pardon: healthy eating regime)

  1. culbia says:

    Let`s face it – most females seem to be trying to lose weight (or at least be careful) at any given time, and most are finding it hard.

    I`ve done my yoyo dieting, and plenty of it, and now I`ll take action as soon as the scales go up…


    • culbia says:

      Calorie counting did not work for me when it led to skipping meals and going hungry. I however think it can have its place if you use it to make smarter choices (chose between two things) or acquaint yourself with the calorific value of alcohol (which I tend to underestimate)

      Liked by 1 person

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